The project did not come free of challenges and I shall share some of them here:
As I approached each objective in order to come closer to the aims, I would realise that my path had deviated somewhere along the way for me to be where I was.
I would like look back at the process and to point at some of the deviations and at how they became the foundation on which the outcome stands today.
No dancers:
The first deviation was in the phase of designing the movement task. I had set in mind that I would be choreographing the task for another dancer, so I could watch from the outside and direct, change, adapt the task to what I thought I was looking for. But circumstances turned out to be different and I found myself working on my own: my body, feelings, memories, eyes, thoughts and decisions. This led me to take different actions but did not radically change the way I intended to work: I would give myself a task to execute, and practice focusing on the sensations that it produced. It led me to work with memory of feeling in a personal and intimate way, knowing that nobody but me was listening and potentially inhibiting my actions by influencing my thinking. I decided to make this one of the factors I would focus on, the transparency I could reach by working alone.
As I approached each objective in order to come closer to the aims, I would realise that my path had deviated somewhere along the way for me to be where I was.
I would like look back at the process and to point at some of the deviations and at how they became the foundation on which the outcome stands today.
No dancers:
The first deviation was in the phase of designing the movement task. I had set in mind that I would be choreographing the task for another dancer, so I could watch from the outside and direct, change, adapt the task to what I thought I was looking for. But circumstances turned out to be different and I found myself working on my own: my body, feelings, memories, eyes, thoughts and decisions. This led me to take different actions but did not radically change the way I intended to work: I would give myself a task to execute, and practice focusing on the sensations that it produced. It led me to work with memory of feeling in a personal and intimate way, knowing that nobody but me was listening and potentially inhibiting my actions by influencing my thinking. I decided to make this one of the factors I would focus on, the transparency I could reach by working alone.
No Physical Audience:
I also had no live audience as I had initially planned. I had intended to explore the idea of feedback loop including the presence and influence of an audience member. Given the current 'social distancing' advised due to the outbreak of a global pandemic, I redirected this to virtual, and sent the videos of my practices to friends, while asking them to answer the questions I had designed. The outcome was unexpected, and I decided to create a page on this blog [FEED THE LOOP] where others would be able to send in their answers, in this way contributing to the archive in a virtual way.
I had also planned to concentrate on the translation of emotions into sound, and vice versa. What I instead redirected myself to do was a collage of elements that all originated in the performance of the task, but did not necessarily feed back into itself, as there would not be a performance but a video as the final outcome.
So ATE became a way of thinking, if it was not one already, by which each choice I made was responding to the circumstance of the moment. No dancers, 1 dancer. No live audience, virtual audience. No performance, a collection of the elements that combined aimed at delivering the 'air' of the performance and transcend it by becoming something else—one or more other artefacts.
In several of the steps I had set to advance in the project I gave myself challenges, mostly because I had a desire to, not necessarily because I felt they were vital to the project.
No sensor:
I wanted to learn more about Arduinos and the software to work with it. So I got enthusiastic and sourced a kit with which I could play and get a hang of the basic functions. I watched a number of online tutorials and taught myself what I found most interesting as basics. My direction was towards building a GSR sensor from scratch: I ordered the parts I needed and learned what I could, collecting information I could find on the internet. But the parts never arrived (as they were shipped from China, origin of the current pandemic). This, together with the fact that the amount of knowledge I (personally) would have needed to make effective use of the software was proportionally too large compared to the time I had to go forward in my steps, made me opt for a ready-made application, an open source download named eSense for which the only thing I needed to build was the sensor itself. That far I could get, and given that I already had the materials I needed somewhere boxed away, I gave that a go.
I also had no live audience as I had initially planned. I had intended to explore the idea of feedback loop including the presence and influence of an audience member. Given the current 'social distancing' advised due to the outbreak of a global pandemic, I redirected this to virtual, and sent the videos of my practices to friends, while asking them to answer the questions I had designed. The outcome was unexpected, and I decided to create a page on this blog [FEED THE LOOP] where others would be able to send in their answers, in this way contributing to the archive in a virtual way.
I had also planned to concentrate on the translation of emotions into sound, and vice versa. What I instead redirected myself to do was a collage of elements that all originated in the performance of the task, but did not necessarily feed back into itself, as there would not be a performance but a video as the final outcome.
So ATE became a way of thinking, if it was not one already, by which each choice I made was responding to the circumstance of the moment. No dancers, 1 dancer. No live audience, virtual audience. No performance, a collection of the elements that combined aimed at delivering the 'air' of the performance and transcend it by becoming something else—one or more other artefacts.
In several of the steps I had set to advance in the project I gave myself challenges, mostly because I had a desire to, not necessarily because I felt they were vital to the project.
No sensor:
I wanted to learn more about Arduinos and the software to work with it. So I got enthusiastic and sourced a kit with which I could play and get a hang of the basic functions. I watched a number of online tutorials and taught myself what I found most interesting as basics. My direction was towards building a GSR sensor from scratch: I ordered the parts I needed and learned what I could, collecting information I could find on the internet. But the parts never arrived (as they were shipped from China, origin of the current pandemic). This, together with the fact that the amount of knowledge I (personally) would have needed to make effective use of the software was proportionally too large compared to the time I had to go forward in my steps, made me opt for a ready-made application, an open source download named eSense for which the only thing I needed to build was the sensor itself. That far I could get, and given that I already had the materials I needed somewhere boxed away, I gave that a go.
I cannot say I got very far, but I did learn new skills and mainly gained knowledge for the future, as I intend to keep on working with sensors and find out more about the possibilities that may emerge from using them as source of data.
I was going to work from movement to sound and back in a live setting but considering the circumstance, I became interested in documentation, versus the liveness of an audience or a dancer. But, my experience in AV and photo was less than scarce. And that sounded just like a good excuse to push my limitations and learn skills through other tools.
No video camera:
Up until today I had used video in a few attempts, and not possessing a video camera apart from the webcam of my laptop, I was always quite relaxed about the choices I made in the editing phase. Perhaps this aspect has not changed, but I did shift means and instead of using a webcam to record, I chose to use a recent acquisition: a photo camera (which has no video function).
I was dissatisfied with the lack of dynamics in the image and after a couple days exploration of the machine, I decided to use longer times of exposure, and to commit to capturing images of moments between gestures, where hardly any part of the body was sharp or clear. This was much closer to the 'air' I intended the performance to transmit.
I was going to work from movement to sound and back in a live setting but considering the circumstance, I became interested in documentation, versus the liveness of an audience or a dancer. But, my experience in AV and photo was less than scarce. And that sounded just like a good excuse to push my limitations and learn skills through other tools.
No video camera:
Up until today I had used video in a few attempts, and not possessing a video camera apart from the webcam of my laptop, I was always quite relaxed about the choices I made in the editing phase. Perhaps this aspect has not changed, but I did shift means and instead of using a webcam to record, I chose to use a recent acquisition: a photo camera (which has no video function).
I was dissatisfied with the lack of dynamics in the image and after a couple days exploration of the machine, I decided to use longer times of exposure, and to commit to capturing images of moments between gestures, where hardly any part of the body was sharp or clear. This was much closer to the 'air' I intended the performance to transmit.
Stimuli to feed on:
All the attempts at this exploration so far had been performed in my gallery space, a white cube with little apparent peculiarities or character aside from the wooden floor, yet incredibly familiar and comfortable to me. But my most recent work, which dealt with the notions of vulnerability and its exposure, was set in a dark and cold basement of the university. Considering the social distancing that I find myself practicing these days, looking for an alternative setting was quite a challenge, until I found the key to the basement of the building I live in. This was a moderately unsafe space (open wires hanging from electricity box, water on the ground, humidity around 60% and temperature no higher than 5C) and provided enough external stimuli for me to surrogate those which I had envisioned being produced by the presence of a live audience.
Options for sound:
I had initially flirted with the idea of creating a sound score I could play myself with a bass guitar, for no other reason that this is the only instrument I can play decently. When I got the data through the sensor and the app, I divided the numbers on excel into four zones (as many as the sounds produced by fours open strings on my bass), gave these four colours, and associated each colour to a note. I made a few attempts at playing the score, but with this system, to make a minute worth of material I would have had to play single notes for over 2000 beats (each beat a value on the excel sheet). This was a good try, but I wondered, same as with the sensor, if I could optimise my time (which I would have spent playing, recording and editing the sound) and use a shortcut. I searched for an online software that would do this for me, and I found TwoTone. It allowed me to export the data into sounds simulating instruments: material I could use to compose a score.
The composition was temporarily satisfactory. Being a beginner at the task led me to search for further options. To this point I had converted data into sound, and considered that sound has a form, I screenshot the waveform on Audacity and looked for how I could use that as a source for new sound. I came across Pixelsynth (screenshot below), an application that converts image into sound. I fed it the wave and explored the functions available
All the attempts at this exploration so far had been performed in my gallery space, a white cube with little apparent peculiarities or character aside from the wooden floor, yet incredibly familiar and comfortable to me. But my most recent work, which dealt with the notions of vulnerability and its exposure, was set in a dark and cold basement of the university. Considering the social distancing that I find myself practicing these days, looking for an alternative setting was quite a challenge, until I found the key to the basement of the building I live in. This was a moderately unsafe space (open wires hanging from electricity box, water on the ground, humidity around 60% and temperature no higher than 5C) and provided enough external stimuli for me to surrogate those which I had envisioned being produced by the presence of a live audience.
Options for sound:
I had initially flirted with the idea of creating a sound score I could play myself with a bass guitar, for no other reason that this is the only instrument I can play decently. When I got the data through the sensor and the app, I divided the numbers on excel into four zones (as many as the sounds produced by fours open strings on my bass), gave these four colours, and associated each colour to a note. I made a few attempts at playing the score, but with this system, to make a minute worth of material I would have had to play single notes for over 2000 beats (each beat a value on the excel sheet). This was a good try, but I wondered, same as with the sensor, if I could optimise my time (which I would have spent playing, recording and editing the sound) and use a shortcut. I searched for an online software that would do this for me, and I found TwoTone. It allowed me to export the data into sounds simulating instruments: material I could use to compose a score.
The composition was temporarily satisfactory. Being a beginner at the task led me to search for further options. To this point I had converted data into sound, and considered that sound has a form, I screenshot the waveform on Audacity and looked for how I could use that as a source for new sound. I came across Pixelsynth (screenshot below), an application that converts image into sound. I fed it the wave and explored the functions available
I found it inspiring but limited in the qualities of sound. So I took a step back and worked it out in Audacity.
Video editing:
I realised that a potential narrative was emerging in the editing process, and I was quite reluctant to accommodate it. For this very reason I decided instead to embrace the spirit of the project and take myself outside of comfort by attacking my habitual dislike for 'making sense', and tried to dive into this possibility, no matter what it came with. After all I did not set myself up to make something I liked, rather to create something that dealt with vulnerability, so I told myself: why not integrate this in the process? I also acknowledged a possible truth, being that my desire to avoid 'expliciting meaning' functions also a shield against exposure.
Next to this reflection, I also reverted to the first intention I had in terms of chromatic use (although I had temporarily been seduced by the romantic atmosphere that colour injected in the images) of keeping the work to grayscale. There were a number of reasons to this: the tendency of black and white to "distance the subject matter from reality"; the fact that "eliminating colour allows artists to concentrate on the way light and shadow are cast"; that "as colour pervades daily life, black and white can signal a shift to an otherworldly or spiritual context" and the fact that “the colour black relates to the hidden, the secretive and the unknown, and as a result it creates an air of mystery”.
I realised that a potential narrative was emerging in the editing process, and I was quite reluctant to accommodate it. For this very reason I decided instead to embrace the spirit of the project and take myself outside of comfort by attacking my habitual dislike for 'making sense', and tried to dive into this possibility, no matter what it came with. After all I did not set myself up to make something I liked, rather to create something that dealt with vulnerability, so I told myself: why not integrate this in the process? I also acknowledged a possible truth, being that my desire to avoid 'expliciting meaning' functions also a shield against exposure.
Next to this reflection, I also reverted to the first intention I had in terms of chromatic use (although I had temporarily been seduced by the romantic atmosphere that colour injected in the images) of keeping the work to grayscale. There were a number of reasons to this: the tendency of black and white to "distance the subject matter from reality"; the fact that "eliminating colour allows artists to concentrate on the way light and shadow are cast"; that "as colour pervades daily life, black and white can signal a shift to an otherworldly or spiritual context" and the fact that “the colour black relates to the hidden, the secretive and the unknown, and as a result it creates an air of mystery”.
My initial intention was to include speech in the video, and I had collected a number of recordings of the memories of performing tasks. I decided they were no longer relevant and would have over-done the narration I was already battling with. In place of this, I used a poem I wrote as a behind-the-scenes reference, to anchor the choices I would make in the editing phase, without including it in the video.
Out of place
Restless. A short Breath
catches me quietly.
It gets to nowhere
Before I know it.
The place of just about not
Or just too much.
The average does not exist.
What I give for granted does not exist.
It disappeared a long time ago.
Before me
Before itself.
It died in the moment of conception.
It ceased pretending
In that short breath.
I almost killed it as soon as I noticed it.
Will it kill me back?
I did not want to possess that air
I did not want to reject that air.
Yet I breathe.
By the urgency of not belonging,
Not owing
Not being owned
Running from a contract I considered a given
I talked to that breath.
It gave me a shiver in response.
Restless. A short Breath
catches me quietly.
It gets to nowhere
Before I know it.
The place of just about not
Or just too much.
The average does not exist.
What I give for granted does not exist.
It disappeared a long time ago.
Before me
Before itself.
It died in the moment of conception.
It ceased pretending
In that short breath.
I almost killed it as soon as I noticed it.
Will it kill me back?
I did not want to possess that air
I did not want to reject that air.
Yet I breathe.
By the urgency of not belonging,
Not owing
Not being owned
Running from a contract I considered a given
I talked to that breath.
It gave me a shiver in response.